12 April, 2012

IT HAS BEEN SO LONG!!

It hasn't really been that long since I blogged something,
because I did blog that photo of us not too long ago, but that photo is about
3 years old and I only blogged it here because I was feeling homesick and
it was one of the best photos I had available. I didn't even put it on my webpage
because Tony took that photo, not me -- I don't even own that. What do I own as
of right now? If practically nothing, then nothing at all.
I guess I figured I would be writing like crazy everyday (specially on my site,
which I haven't don at all) about the things I've done,
and what I'm intending to do, but blogging keeps losing it's enchantment more and more
with every passing day. I physically write in my journal, but that's not blogging.
I'm still writing, that, my novel, and like 60 emails a day to everyone
that knows that I'm here cause I'm just so dang attached. What happened to me?
I feel like I'm the same person, but not at all.
I've been looking forward to getting out of New York for the longest time, but now
that I have, I don't really seem to find what I was looking for.
Like, I'm living out some fantasy that I didn't know my mind possessed.
I've thought about leaving home for FOREVER like really, or
at least what seemed like forever. And now that I have I feel like I was starving for beauty in the land of the plenty. I'm so deprived and hungry for something beautiful that I think ... I think I had right in front of me and failed to see. I don't want to go back, at least I don't think I do, because though it might feel really great at first, like instant gratification for my vulnerable sentiments I know it's going to be the same story all over again. I'm not bored of living my life, because I still wake up every morning feeling
like this is just for a moment and that eventually everything's going to be as great as I want it to be.

I don't know if I'm letting myself be understood but I'm just going through a
happy happening with a bitter taste.

xx

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