10 November, 2011

I'm not sure if I'm entitled

I know beggars can't be choosers.  I practically live my life through this motto.
I can recall using it at least 50 times appropriately, in separate occasions just in this 
present year, possibly (most likely) more.  But why do I feel like this?

Am I entitled to fall out of like with someone?  I'm not really understanding 
what's happening to me, to my mind.  I've had a rant like this before, where 
whatever I'm saying makes sense to no one.  But maybe I'd like to keep it like that
since that's my personal defense mechanism.
I don't want to just stick around because I've invested so many years into this.
Perhaps it'll become easier in the future, but as of right now, since I'm here --
in this general space, it's really difficult for me to cope.  I feel like I've made something,
and it got completely out of my hands, and now there's no way back.  Why, at my grown
age am I still bothered by this?

My life has to take a SUDDEN immediate change.  This is eating me inside.
I want to say something, but right now this is all I can do.  Write.

And I'm pretty sure Joey's going to give me this as a present.
Intoxicatingly Anonymous 

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