I can recall using it at least 50 times appropriately, in separate occasions just in this
present year, possibly (most likely) more. But why do I feel like this?
Am I entitled to fall out of like with someone? I'm not really understanding
what's happening to me, to my mind. I've had a rant like this before, where
whatever I'm saying makes sense to no one. But maybe I'd like to keep it like that
since that's my personal defense mechanism.
I don't want to just stick around because I've invested so many years into this.
Perhaps it'll become easier in the future, but as of right now, since I'm here --
in this general space, it's really difficult for me to cope. I feel like I've made something,
and it got completely out of my hands, and now there's no way back. Why, at my grown
age am I still bothered by this?
My life has to take a SUDDEN immediate change. This is eating me inside.
I want to say something, but right now this is all I can do. Write.
And I'm pretty sure Joey's going to give me this as a present.