I had a very cathartic conversation with someone very special to me today.
Everyone's so changed, everyone that used to complete our world at least.
I wonder if, this just means that I grew up. Again, I have to say this once again, I'm completely terrified.
Not of moving on, not of trying something new, not of learning new things, and meeting new people, I'm not even scared of leaving home, I'm just scared, dead scared of growing up.
You would think at 23, I would have been my own person, and have everything cool and collected.
Well, besides your probable first impression of me, nothing in my life really is cool and collected.
Everything is changing, we're slowly moving on, and I finally think it's starting to be ok to let go.
As weird and strange as it sounds, to anyone reading this right now -- I'm ready to move on.
I made new friends this semester. Most of them, artists of course, and though their first attempt to contact me was to friend me on facebook - when I told them I didn't have one, they were relatively ok with it.
One person even told me "Oh yeah, I forgot you're mature" -- that took me completely by surprise, no one had ever told me that before. I wanted to get one, a few weeks ago (like a new one) just because, it's true, I mean - it is a super convenient and easy way to keep in contact with your friends, and what they're doing - but at the same time - facebook is just so irrelevant and trivial. I just want to be with my friends, not send them a stupid message. It's completely empty.
My grades have been slipping. Its very unlike me - but they are - at least for Astrophysics and German.
I have to try harder, and I just have to finish it, complete it - and I'll be alright, but I have absolutely no passion for Astro, and German makes me uncomfortable because even though I practice and I prepare myself as much as I can, I feel I'm never ready enough.
I want to create. I'm not sure what yet - but I feel like I'm in one of those kicks that I just want to make something. And not just that kind of anything something, I want to make that remarkable something that can impress people and earn me a bunch of oohhs and aaahhs.
As soon as I decide what, I'll probably talk about it, or even post it here (it'll probably require a post because I'll feel so proud of it). And it'll be all over this blog. I have to clean my room first, I feel like I'm trapped - and I really won't be able to make beauty with all that chaos all around me.
I'll see some live music with Andrew this week - it's gonna be incredibly chill -
I couldn't be more excited (specially because I don't get to see him everyday). I can't forget to continue improving my portfolio, look over my Oceanography notes for a midterm, talk to the people from the program overseas, meet with Daniel and plan my future some more. This week = <3