10 March, 2011

Don't Call My Name

I'm really starting to wonder if anyone that's shared with me before would ever say "Yeah, I used to know her".  I'd like to know, if the path that I'm deciding to take today will lead me to a future that would make many of the people that I've encountered think about me and would somehow find out that I actually decided to break away and throw the stereotype in the garbage.  Not only those that decided I was useless to their lives and just decided that drugs, alcohol, their famous friends, and their fakeness were more important than me, but also my teachers, (specially my high school junior and senior year English teacher).  I don't think I've ever dedicated a blog to her -- and it's maybe because I didn't want to write up something that I lied to myself as unimportant.  Truth is, she might have marked me for life.  Her, "no, you're not better than anyone in this class" and making the competition so deliberately obvious so I would make it last.  And this is me, absolutely competitive to the end, and I felt this way, I wonder how other kids that weren't like me turned out in her class.  (I know I sound extra pompous in my posts when I talk about myself -- I'm really not a crackhead jerk in real life in case you were wondering).  But seriously, this teacher had favorites, now - I honestly wouldn't care if she did -- she could have as many favorites as she wanted, the thing is -- if you weren't her favorite you weren't her anything ... you were pretty much left in the back of the bus.  Everything I said or wrote was wrong or needed more input, and for senior year, when the vice principal did the paper work so I could go for AP English (her class) instead of honors English, this teacher wrote me an email telling me that this was a mistake.  I had already paid for the class (the 80$ for the AP test at the end of the year) and had all my papers signed (the paper work required from your parents).  HOW ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS WAS A MISTAKE?!? A mistake from whom? The vice principal right now?? Yours?? Mine?!?! give me a fucking break bitch, there was no mistake, you just didn't want to give me the same opportunity than the rest of your AP pricks :|
You know what, dear English teacher?? ... I can potentially become a greater person than you'll ever be, or even thought of being.  I don't want to say anything now, because much of my projects are mostly uncertain ... but I'll get there -- and I promise, I swear ... I'll never treat anyone the way you treated me ... and never attempt to murder anyone's passion for art an literature.  Good thing I was stronger than her limits, stronger than her selfishness, stronger than her ignorance, stronger than her.

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